Q: How do you break an Aubun guy's finger? A: Punch him in the nose. Q: Did you hear about the Auburn athlete that won a Gold Medal at the Olympic game? A: He was so proud of it that he had it bronzed! Q: How do you complement an Aubun fan? A: Nice tooth. Q: What do you call a line of John Deere tractors going down the road? A: The Auburn Homecoming Parade. Q: Did you hear that they outlawed "the wave" at Jordan-Hare Stadium? A: Two poor Auburn fans drowned at a game last year. Q: Why don't Auburn grads use 911 in an emergency? A: Because they can't find "eleven" on the phone dial. Q: How many Auburn students does it take to eat an armadillo? A: Three. One to do the eating, and two to watch for cars. Q: Why don't Auburn fans eat barbecue beans? A: Because they keep falling through the holes in the grill. Q: What's the difference between Terry Bowden and a brand new puppy? A: Eventually the puppy will quit whining. Q: Do you know what hangs 18 inches between his legs and is 6 inches off the ground? A: Terry Bowden's tie. Q: Do you know the directions to Auburn? A: South to you smell it. East till you step in it. Q: Why doesn't Terry Bowden wear cowboy boots? A: They chap his rear end. Q. How is the Auburn football team like a possum? A. They play dead at home and get killed on the road. Q: What does an Auburn grad say to a Bama grad? A: You want fries with that? Q: How do you get the Auburn grad off your front porch. A: Pay him for the pizza and tip him well. Q: What's the smallest book in the world? A: The Auburn book of football heros. Q: What is the differce between a Auburn Cheerleader and a heifer? A: 20 pounds. Q: How do you starve an Auburn Fan? A: Hide the food stamps under the soap. Q: What does an Auburn grad call an Alabama grad? A: "Boss"
A guy went to Tuscaloosa and picked up one of those new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned on the radio and nothing happened. Furious, he demanded to see the sales manager, and told him "When I buy a $50,000 car I expect the dang radio to work." The sales manager explained to him that the radio had been programmed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio what he wanted to hear. He got back into the car and said "Country music," and old Willie Nelson started singing. "Rock and roll," he exclaimed, and immediately Elvis started crooning. "Easy listening," he remarked, and all at once it sounded like he was in an elevator. He was relaxed, driving up I-59 to Birmingham, and listening to smooth sounds. Then a pickup truck with two good ole boys almost ran him off the road. "Stupid rednecks!" he screamed. The radio immediately blurted out, "TOUCHdooooooooown AllaBAAAAAAAmaaa!!!!"
What does a bama grad do with his diploma? Puts in on his dashboard so he doesn't get a ticket for parking in a handicap spot.
An Alabama fan and Auburn fan were both driving in opposite directions on a dark winding road. At one vicious curve they hit head on totaling both of their vehicles. Both got out, checked with each other and were amazed that they had escaped without a scratch. At that point they decided from that day forward they would set aside all dislike as a symbol and tribute to this miracle. The Alabama fan suggest they celebrate this miracle with a toast to retrieves a bottle of Jack Daniels from his truck. "Here," he said to the Auburn fan, "You go first." After the Auburn fan drinks half the bottle he hands in back to the Alabama fan and says, "Drink up!" "No, I think I'll wait to the police get here."
What is the first thing a bama grad says to an Auburn fan after getting his degree?----"welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order please."
How can you tell you are getting near Tuscaloosa? If you stop on the side of the road to relieve yourself, the cows begin to back up to the fence.
Vasectomy for an Alabama fan AFTER THEIR 11TH CHILD, A DIEHARD ALABAMA COUPLE DECIDED THAT ELEVEN WAS ENOUGH. SO THE HUSBAND WENT TO HIS VETERINARIAN AND TOLD HIM THAT HE AND HIS COUSIN DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE ANYMORE CHILDREN. THE DOCTOR TOLD HIM THAT THERE WAS A PROCEDURE CALLED A VASECTOMY THAT COULD FIX THE PROBLEM BUT THAT IT WAS EXPENSIVE. A LESS COSTLY ALTERNATIVE," SAID THE DOCTOR, "IS TO GO HOME, GET A CHERRY BOMB." "LIGHT IT, PUT IT IN A BEER CAN, THEN HOLD THE CAN UP TO YOUR EAR AND COUNT TO 10." THE BAMMER SAID TO THE DOCTOR, "I MAY NOT BE THE SMARTEST TOOL IN THE SHED, BUT I DON'T SEE HOW PUTTING A CHERRY BOMB IN A BEER CAN NEXT TO MY EAR IS GOING TO HELP ME." "TRUST ME," SAID THE DOCTOR. SO THE MAN WENT HOME, LIT A CHERRY BOMB AND PUT IT IN A BEER CAN. HE HELD THE CAN UP TO HIS EAR AND BEGAN TO COUNT ! "1" "2" "3" "4" "5" AT WHICH POINT HE PAUSED, PLACED THE BEER CAN BETWEEN HIS LEGS AND RESUMED COUNTING ON HIS OTHER HAND. :hihi: :hihi: :hihi:
D, making cow jokes about Bama? :dis: Did you happen to hear about the Auburn student who was going to class ( cough) the other day, stepped in a warm cow pattie and said, "OH, I'm melting!!!" :hihi: :hihi:
Q: Why don't they teach drivers ed. and sex ed. on the same day in Auburn? A: They don't want to wear out the mule. Q: What's the difference between an Auburn cheerleader and a heifer? A: About 20 pounds. Q: Why don't they serve ice water at Auburn football games anymore? A: The guy with the recipe died. Q: Do you know why AU fans wear orange? A: So they can go from the construction road crew straight to the game without having to change clothes. Q: What is the long and hard on an Auburn student? A: The first grade. Q: Why wasn't Jesus Christ born in Auburn? A: Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
