As I wrote in another thread I'm probably one of the few people in the US who doesn't have a cell phone. Since I'm retired I don't need one.

Just tell him to ask his granddaughter/tech support

What if your house catches on fire and you run out into your yard. How are you going to ca) the fire department?

That happened two years ago. I used the house WiFi phone to call 911.

Keeps the dicks away. Not that Im judging your preferences.

Has LifeAlert.

Don't drop the soap in the shower.

Don't give up your daytime job assuming you have one.

Having a prison flashback?

I think it is some Air Force thing.