As some of you know, I'm a lawyer. Because I deal with lawyers on a daily basis -- and also because I think I have a decent sense of humor -- I really enjoy good lawyer jokes. And I'd like to hear your best.
Here are a couple to start:
A couple of male lawyers were walking down the street on the way to lunch when a stunningly gorgeous woman walks by them. They both stop to stare at her when one says to the other, "Man, I'd like to fuck her."
To which the other replies, "Out of what?"
To get this one you have to know that many law offices have law students "work" for them during the summer. The students are genrally given fairly menial tasks (but not making copies or getting coffee; usually something like drafting pleadings or writing memos on obscure points of law) during their six weeks, but they're really extended job interviews. The "summer associates" also are usually taken to lunch every day by more senior associates or relatively junior partners and, at the bigger firms, the "summer associates" have busy, firm-sponsored social calendars too. In short, you get paid for six weeks of a little work, lunches and drinks and, if you don't step on your johnson too hard, you'll probably be offered a job for when you get out of school.
So ......... now the joke:
A law student was involved in a horrific accident and, unfortunately, died. He surprisingly went straight to heaven where he was greeted by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter consulted his big book and told the former law student, "Well, you've led a pretty decent life and haven't done anything extraordinarily wrong but you were a law student, so I'm going to do something I rarely do. You can take a tour of heaven, then I'll send you down to hell, where you can have a look around. After you're done, come on back and you'll have to make a decision about where you want to spend the rest of eternity."
The law student is a bit puzzled but goes along with it. He enters heaven and takes a look around. It's nice. Everybody seems content. He has everything he needs for a comfortable eternal existence.
Then he goes down to hell. Satan greets him, saying, "Hey, dude! Pete said you were coming. Let's go have a look around."
They enter into Hell's Casino and the law student walks up to a craps table. Magically, a huge stack of chips appears before him. He starts betting and, literally, can't lose.
Then they go to a show and one of the showgirls, the most beautiful women he's ever seen, comes to their table after the show and says, "I was made for your pleasure. Please take me back to my home and have your way with me." He happily complies. Several times.
The next morning he returns to heaven and tells St. Peter that he's chosen hell.
When he gets to hell, a lesser demon is waiting at the gates for him and taken him straight to the lake of fire where he's bound to the wall and huge ogre starts lashing him with a whip.
"Wait, wait! This isn't what I came here for," he yells at his new guide demon.
"Oh, that was you with the boss last night?" the lesser demon asks. "Yeah, that was just our summer program."
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