Not even close for me

best strip ever

My wife is always in a holiday spirit. Every day is Festivus for her. Not a day goes by that she doesn't air her grievances.

One of my favs, as an outdoorsy type person...

A farmer living out in the boonies had a daughter that was marrying age. Wanting lots of grand kids, he was eager to get her hitched. The problem was, his farm was so isolated she never met any men. The farmer, let's call him Tiga, devised a plan.

Wanting the most viral husband for his daughter, Tiga invited all the townsmen to his farm for a contest,.. a sex contest,.. but of course Tiga didn't want his daughter to participate, so he decided on Daisy his cow. Whichever man serviced Daisy the longest would win the bride.

The day of the contest arrived, many men showed up. The first man went into the barn with Daisy, coming out 10 minutes later,.. 2nd man was back after 20 minutes, 3rd man 15 minutes,.. the fourth man goes into the barn.

Tiga waits, an hour goes by, two hours, the other men tired of waiting leave,.. finally after four hours the guy emerges from the barn. Tiga, excited, runs up to him, shakes his hand, "congratulations, you win, you get to marry my daughter". The guy says, "well, I don't know about that, but how much do you want for that cow?"

Tiga? I don't think that story is fictional.

Boudreaux take his wife, Cloteele, to a dance down on the bayou, las' weekend. There was this guy on the dance floor dancin' like crazy - breakdancin', moonwalkin', back flips--the whole works.
Cloteele turn to Boudreaux and say, "See dat guy? Twenty-five year ago, he propose to me and I turn him down.
Boudreaux paused and say, "Look like he still celebratin'!"