Did you hear about the cannibal who ate a clown? wait... Stop me if you've heard this.... He tasted funny.
both of these are courtesy of jackie martling which is the same as saying they're courtesy of gilbert gottfried. so really they're courtesy of the world. why did the sperm cross the road? cuz i put on the wrong pair of socks when i woke up this morning also.... what's the last thing you wanna hear while bl--ing willie nelson? "i'm not willie nelson" this is a dirty joke thread right? i just posted without reading....
Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto . The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight.. So sit back, relax and..... OH, MY GOD !" Silence followed! Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" One Irish passenger yelled, "You should see the back of mine !!!
ok, a little edumacation for you cajuns.... algebra...... what is 1q + 1q.....2q what is 2q + 2q.....4q ok, what is 5q + 5q.......10q You're welcome
Bob who just turned 90 and had been golfing for over 50 years told his wife one morning "honey, I'm going to give up golf" When she asked why he said, "well, I just can't see the ball anymore" She says, "don't be foolish, you have been playing golf almost all your life, take my brother Willie with you, he has eyes like a hawk" Bob says, "Darling, Willie is 95" and she says, "doesn't matter, he can still see" So reluctantly Bob gives it one more shot. Tees up his ball on the first hole and takes a mighty swing. He looks at Willie and says "You see my ball" Willie says "Yep, sure did, saw it the whole way" "Well then where is it Willie" Bob asked? Can't remember. Haha bada dah
An older married Chinese couple, owners of a popular take-out restaurant, were in bed late one night after an exhausting day at work when the man looks at his wife and, out of the blue, says "I want a 69." The wife looks at him incredulously and replies, "Why you want General Tso's chicken with fried rice at this time of night?"
A man trying to understand the nature of God asked him: “God, how long is a million years to you?” God answered: “A million years is like a minute.” Then the man asked: “God, how much is a million dollars to you?” And God replied: “A million dollars is like a penny.” Finally, the man asked: “God, could you give me a penny?” And God said, "In a minute.”
Top Ten Country & Western Songs. 10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine 9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With A Few 8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me 7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin' 6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win 5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here 4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him 3.. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger 2. She's Lookin' Better with Every BeerAnd the Number One Country & Western song is... 1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day
