Wifespeak TO English Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now We need to talk = I need to complain Sure… go ahead = I don’t want you to. I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron. You’re … so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot. You’re certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about? I’m not emotional! and I’m not overreacting! = It's that time of the month. Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper….. I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive. How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like. I’ll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V. Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful. You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me. Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead. Yes = No No = No Maybe = No I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry. Do you like this recipe? = It’s easy to fix, so you’d better get used to it. Was that the baby ? = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep. I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important. All we’re going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we’re stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and oh my god there’s a sale in lingerie, and wouldn’t these pink sheets look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook? In answer to “What’s wrong?” The same old thing. = Nothing. Nothing. = Everything. Everything. = My PMS is acting up. Nothing, really. = It’s just that you’re such an @sshole. I don’t want to talk about it. = Go away, I’m still building up steam.
I'll add one from my wife if we eat something we haven't eaten before: It's different = I freakin' HATE it.
i thought that was husbandspeak! and in this house........ we'll see = no is also husbandspeak. i must admit that some of those are dead on though!!:hihi:
Watcha doing? = You're ________ again. (Fill in the blank- going fishing, watching football, on the forum) Do you have any plans Saturday? = I'm going shopping, you keep the kids. Gets real frisky = Enjoy this week cause my cycle's nearing.
My all-time favorite... and true.... I picked up my wife after her first day of work at her new job, just the two of us in the car. For 20 minutes on the way home she was none stop... hated her job, hated her new boss, life sucked. I was listening, hadn't said a word. Finally, I thought she said something that sounded like a question. So I said, "Maybe you oughta just quit." And she said, "You know, sometimes when I'm talking, I'm not talking to you!"
