1. Dear Abby:

    I am a crack dealer in Memphis who has recently been diagnosed with syphilis and gonorrhea.

    My father is in federal prison for making moonshine. My mother worked in a "massage parlor" most of her life. My older sister in Nashville is married to a transvestite. My nephew has recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and is currently dependent on my two younger sisters, who are prostitutes in Tunica.

    I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Parchman for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently in Angola on charges related to the priest scandal.

    I have recently become engaged. All things considered, my main problem is this. I love my fiance' and look forward to bringing her into the family and I certainly want to be totally honest with her. But while she knows all this, there's one thing I'm too ashamed to talk about.

    Should I tell her about my cousin who goes to Ole Miss?

    - Worried About My Reputation

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    Dear Worried,

    Your cousin goes to Ole Miss? Yikes!! I'd keep that to myself.

    - Abby
  2. LOL