At VANDERBILT: It takes two. One to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard. At GEORGIA: It takes two. One to change the bulb and one to phone an engineer at Georgia Tech for instructions. At FLORIDA: It takes four. One to scrrew in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one. At ALABAMA: It takes four. One to change it, two to reminisce about how The Bear would have done it, one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator. At OLE MISS: It takes six. One to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occassion. At LSU: It takes seven and each one gets credit for five semester hours. At KENTUCKY: It takes eight. One to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season. At TENNESSEE: It takes ten. Two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how they hate Alabama. At MISSISSIPPI STATE: It takes fifteen. One to screw the bulb, two to buy the Skoal and twelve to yell, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS." At AUBURN: It takes 100. One to change it, 49 to talk about how they did better than at Bama, and 50 to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished. At SOUTH CAROLINA: It takes 80,000. One to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent football team. At ARKANSAS: None. There is no electricity in Arkansas.
