12 year olds Johnny and Jenny usually at lunch together and every day they both had chicken salad sandwiches. One day Jenny had a peanut butter sandwich instead of her usual chicken salad. She said "I think that chicken salad is turning me into a chicken. Feathers have started to grow between my legs." "Let me see." said Johnny and Jenny pulled down her pants and showed him. A few weeks later Johnny was eating a PBJ & J for lunch too. "You were right." he said. "That chicken salad was turning me into a chicken too. I have started to grow feathers too." "Let me see." said Jenny, so Johnny pulled down his pants. "Jenny said, "You're too late, Johnny! Besides the feathers you already have the neck and the gizzards too!"
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' topless blonde came walking straight towards them .............They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous topless blonde came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them and said 'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?' She replied, 'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.
Student: What’s infinity? Math Teacher: Think of a number. Student: Okay, I’ve got one. Teacher: Good. That’s not it.
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the Golden Retriever and said, "So why are you here?" The Retriever replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything... the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed." The Black Lab said, "So what's the vet going to do?" "Gonna cut my nuts off," came the reply from the Golden Retriever. "They reckon it'll calm me down." The Golden then turned to the Black Lab and asked, "Why are you here?" The Black Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners' couch." "So what are they going to do to you?" the Retriever inquired. "Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Black Lab said. The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, "Why are you here?" "I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away." The Black Lab and the Golden Retriever exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?" The Great Dane said, "No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped!"
2 gay guys challenge a lesbian couple to a race from San francisc to LA. The lesbians got there lickety split while the 2 guys got busy packing their shit.
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" "What a coincidence" the farmer said. "This is a special day for me. I am celebrating." "This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating," said the woman "What a coincidence!" said the farmer. As they clinked glasses he added, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my Gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!" "What a coincidence!" said the man. "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs." "That's great!" said the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?" "I used a different cock," he replied. The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, "What a coincidence!"
As an ex-navy guy, this one resonates, but I expect it could be doctored up a bit, for a Boudreaux or, my favorite, Thibodaux! +++++++++++++++++++++ A 65-year-old retired boatswain's mate walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?' 'There's something wrong with my pecker', he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. ' 'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said. The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.' "Boats" replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The old sailor walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered. The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes?' 'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated. The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice... 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?' 'I can't piss out of it,' he replied. The waiting room erupted in laughter...
