"In what aisle could I find the Tennessee Smoked Hams?" The clerk looks at him and says, "You’re a Vol fan, aren’t you?" The guy, (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something, if I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?" The clerk says, "Well, no!" "If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?" "Well, I probably wouldn't!" With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well then why did you ask me if I'm a Vol fan because I ask for Tennessee Smoked Ham?" The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot."
A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month." The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and the husband was obviously very depressed. "You are back so soon........... is there a problem?" the pastor inquired. "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month ..." the young man replied sadly. The pastor then asked him what happened. "Well, the first week was difficult ...... however, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain as well." "However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible.............. anything to keep our minds off sex. Then one afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there." admitted the man, his face filled with shame. "You understand of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church." stated the pastor. "We know." said the young man, hanging his head. "We're not welcome at Home Depot any more either!!!
