"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." ---John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." --Conan O'Brien "I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!" ---Jay Leno "The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." --David Letterman REPLACEMENTS FOR THE FRENCH NATIONAL ANTHEM: "Runaway" by Del Shannon, "Walk Right In" by the Rooftop Singers, "Everybody's Somebody's" Fool by Connie Francis, "Running Scared" by Roy Orbison, "I Really Don't Want to Know" by Tommy Edwards, "Surrender" by Elvis Presley, "Save It For Me" by The Four Seasons, "Live and Let Die" by Wings, "I'm Leaving It All Up To You" by Donny and Marie Osmond, "What a Fool Believes" by the Doobie Brothers, "Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin "Raise Your Hands" by Jon Bon Jovi How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb? One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.