Tomorrow is Tubby's 50th Birthday (per ESPN)

Can any of you think of a good present for the Coach? Post your ideas here!

Here's my idea:an antique pen holder! Think he'll like it? :wink:

 

if nothing else he could identify with it

 

How about a 15' stogie. :cuss: Put it in your mouth and suck it.

 

Here's a funny one I picked up

Ode to Tubbervile
(Birthday Tribute from LSU by the Metairie Poet)

Let us raise the toast, let us tip our glass
To the one we most want to kick their $$$
Oh Tommy Tuberville, Coach of Gooberville
Tom Tubbervile, redneck n' a crooked smile
Then you were a picture of class and grace
With the big cheap cigar stuffed in your face
Saban owns $$$ now, you can't climb that hill
Five and three records don't give them a thrill

The Auburn admin has you on a very hot seat
Nick Saban's Champs you know you must beat
But beat 'em with what, Al please tell me how
Admin wants results, and they want 'em now
Jason Campbell, he belongs in a theatre aisle
Seating movie patrons and flashing his smile
Relax Tommy; I can make him a quarterback
Just give me nine months to form the attack

We use two monsters, Brown's on the bench
We run a few new plays to rid the old stench
It's a West Coast offense, we put on a show
It'll buy us time; they will pay the good dough
Everyone knows your recruiting has been poor
Every day you're just a step closer to the door
Cadillac and all the seniors are your last Hurrah
Remember don't meddle or it'll be the last straw

But today is your day and the Tiger gift is nigh
We are all so excited that the team is sky high
Damn the hurricane, oh how can this horror be?
How dare it reschedule your date with Destiny?
But alas as you look upon your field of Dreams
Hurricane Nick's howling and you hear screams
Your head's thumping, loud boos can be heard
Al, what's up with Campbell, give me the word

Nick's rabid on his sideline, soon blood will spill
Touchdown LSU, the Auburn crowd grows still
Campbell tries passing again but it's to no avail
All the wind has died down from the Auburn sail
The crowd is getting antsy, the grumbles begin
Campbell drops back to pass, but fumbles again
Good Auburn recovery, Tubby's heart's pity-pat
Jason looks like he doesn't know where he's at

The punt roars high; a fair catch has been made
Auburn's Dee must now try to stop Nick's brigade
What's this, Oh no, JaMarcus Russell has come in
Why couldn't we get him here Al ... it's just a sin
LSU just keeps driving, with their passes so crisp
Borges mumbles and stutters to Tom with his lisp
A last desperate blitz, a loud crack is then heard
The penalty flag flies up with the pass like a bird

Doucet makes a great grab, Early gets his first TD
Tubbervile's going nuts on his sideline, it's insanity
The call, Offsides on the Dee, the six points stand
The crowd boos loudly, Auburn's Dee pounds sand
LSU leads fourteen to zip, it's not looking too good
Tubby shudda cancelled the game, if only he could
Jason Campbell is pulled and Brandon Cox comes in
LSU's amazing Blitzing Dee becomes ferocious again

Brandon does a shuffle and tries his West Coast jive
He goes three downs and out, but he gets out alive
Another punt, this one goes low, a runback for sure
Green is down to their thirty, another 3 point score.
When halftime comes, LSU leads seventeen to three
Tubby's so damned frustrated that he can hardly see
They head to their locker room, Tubby starts to bawl
He tells his outmanned team, the writing's on the wall

I've loved you boys dearly, though I don't show it well
Even though we're gonna lose guys, just give 'em hell
The whole team they're so touched by what they see
The poor coach on his birthday, drowning in his misery
Borges pulls the boys of the West Coast offense aside
He inspires them like hellcats and appeals to their pride
They come out on fire, yelling and throwing their hands
The crowd they go nuts, looking down from the stands

Jason Campbell leads a drive, and he takes them for six
The crows roars it's approval, Auburn has found its fix
But LSU takes the kickoff and they cannot be stopped
It's so clear to the crowd, Auburn's $$$ will be mopped
LSU leads 24-10, it's now or never, Jason Campbell is in
But the Tiger Dee stiffens and Auburn has to punt again
An Auburn crowd boos him so loudly, Tubby's dying inside
Another LSU TD has come, now Tubby is playin' for pride.

Auburn's crowd filters out and Tubby mopes and he pouts
He looks at the LSU side, Saban jumps, screams n' shouts
The subs wait hungrily as they have lived to make this day
Tubby orders them in wholesale; today they all get to play
Cuz it is just another Football year with five wins and three
Second Fiddle Auburn and poor Tuberville reek of mediocrity
Die-hard fans stand & cheer, they know it's Tom's last year
His last battle done with LSU, he shakes a hand & is through

 

can someone please summarize that in ten lines or less. :hihi: :hihi:

 

Oh, I couldn't stop laughing as I read this! It's great!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

 

Nice poem, ramah.

I didn't know that you had it in you. :wink:

For Tubs 50th, I want to give him the South Stadium jet.

...up his @ss...

With ****NO**** lube :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin:

 

earmuffs?

 

Nice stuff. Win or lose fat boy will not miss his birthday cake w/purple and gold icing. :lsup:

 

WAY too much $$$$$ :grin: