1) They're a bunch of pretentious redneck retards. Contrary to the popular belief in Oxford, J. Crew gear and centerpieces do NOT give you elegance. It's like putting lipstick and a prom dress on a pig. You still have a pig, not a homecoming queen. That's even true in Oxfart, where it would be an improvement over most homecoming queens. 2) Rebels have a grossly inflated opinion of themselves. The biggest example their honest belief that their catered, centerpieced tailgating is the best in the world. Hey dumbasses, let's play Family Feud! Richard Karn: Name something associated with Ole Miss. Contestant #1: Tailgating! Richard Karn: Tailgating?!?! Survey says… (BZZZZZZZZT!) Contestant #2: Race riot! Richard Karn: Survey says… (DING DING DING DING DING!) Richard Karn: The #1 answer! 3) Speaking of race riots, their last conference title came when James Meredith was still a student and the team was still all white. In other words, no conference titles "SINCE INTEGRATION". 4) They want to talk about "elegance"? Why not save some of that energy and interior decorating skill for that giant Port-O-Let called Vaught-Hemingway? 5) Ole Wish produces an incredible number of flamers. That includes multiple definitions of the word, but let's focus on the ones who post moronic drivel on message boards. Ole Miss is the world leader in mouth (or keyboard) to accomplishment ratio. Ole Miss flamers follow a well-worn pattern. They flame Tiger Town no matter who their upcoming opponent is. Then they suffer some early-season losses embarrassing losses and mysteriously vanish. A typical September goes like this: The Rebs squeak past DeVry or the Kazakhstan School for the Blind, and the flamers start crowing about how "Judgement Day" is coming. Then they get drubbed by Wyoming, but they still don't shut up. After that, they squeak by Vanderbilt and then...oh wait...nevermind. Looks like Coach Be Be can't beat anyone except his girlfriend. 6) One of the most memorable flamers was Timmy O'Foole, who spend 2002 talking about "4 out of 5". I'm not sure what he meant. Maybe he was referring to the fact that USM took 4 of 5 from the Rebs before the Rebs chickened out of the series. Anyway, I wonder where Timmy is and why he doesn't want to talk about "4 out of 5" now?? Hmmmm????? 7) They want to talk about recent parts of the LSU-Ole Miss series? How about the period from 1987-99, the lowest point in LSU history? During that period, the Weebles won just 6 of the 13 games. Put another way, they had a sub-.500 record against the Archmannardo brain trust. 8) Speaking of Archmannardo, Vandy had a 2-2 record against the Rebels when Dumbardo was coaching in Nashville. 9) 5 of the 6 West teams have appeared in the SEC Championship game. Guess which one hasn't made the trip? Nope, not Mississippi State--even Jackie the Clown went to Atlanta. That's right, the weebles. This in spite of having Vanderbilt as a permanent East opponent. 10) Ole Priss is the not only West team without a trip to Atlanta, but their Cadillac McClendon-aided 2003 campaign was the only time they even came close division title. It also netted them their first West co-championship. Congratulations. One more and they'll be tied with Gerry Dinardo. But they still hung a banner for it. 11) The Manning Legacy? Sucking. The Mannings played 11 seasons in the SEC. Only Peyton ever won the conference, and he had to go to Tennessee to do it. Archie never even made the playoffs in the pros. As far as the SEC, Peyton's sons will go to Tennessee and I wouldn't count on Eli having any sons, if you know what I mean. But don't worry Reb fans!! Cooper's son will arrive on campus in 2020, meaning every Jefferson Pilot broadcast will make 5,000 references to the Manning Legacy and show Archie with his stupid yellow headphones after every down. 12) Most #1 picks in the NFL keep their mouths shut and pay their dues. Not Eli. He's too special to play by the same rules as everyone else. So he refused to play for the Chargers, thus forcing a trade to the Giants. The Giants were 5-4 and in position to make the playoffs when they made Eli the starter. Eli led them to a massive second-half meltdown. Wow, just like Ole Miss! And to think the Giants could have taken Big Ben from Miami. No, not THAT Miami but a better program than Ole Metrosexual nonetheless. And don't be fooled by the Giants' good start this year. They've fattened their record on bottom feeders like the Aints and Niners. Hmmm...that also sounds strangely familiar... 13) They crash and burn every November, going from controlling their own destiny to the Blue-Gray game. Hmmmm...I guess they won't be home for Christmas after all. 14) The Hotty Toddy cheer. Who the hell thinks this "Toddy" guy's a "hotty"? Does that have something to do with Ole Miss fraternity hazing?? And the "gosh amighty" and "who the hell are we" parts sound like an 8-year-old trying out his first cuss words. 15) They think it's the 1850s. While the administration has disavowed Dixie, the rebel flag, and Colonel Reb, the fans are still pitching a hissy fit over the loss of their Old South "traditions". I'm not saying there's anything wrong with Southerners taking pride in their heritage, but there are literally dozens of Southern schools that don't feel the need to base their entire identity on the antebellum period. But I guess you can't blame them. If I lived in an armpit of a town like Oxford, and I went to a school whose athletic legacy was a century of futility, I'd pretend it was the ancient past too. The rest of us--who actually did something worth noting since the War Between the States--have moved on. One example is Southern Miss, which not only dumped General Nat (as in Nathaniel Bedford Forrest) three decades ago, but also has a larger enrollment and a more successful athletic program than Ole Metrosexual. Maybe Hattiesburg should get the name University of Mississippi and Ole Myth should get the regional name. Oh wait, they’ll never go for that. Remember what part of the state Oxfart's in. 16) Hypersensitive fans. Before an LSU-Ole Miss game a few years ago, a bunch of Ole Miss fans started their inane chant, and I did my parody (Hotty Toddy Gosh Amighty, where did Ole Miss play? Flim flam bim bam BLUE GRAY by damn!) The Weeble fan sitting next to me immediately gave me a ticket for a seat five sections away, which I accepted since it was a better seat. Then, in the fourth quarter, I yelled "Eli Sucks" instead of "Kick their @$$" after a Tiger first down, and the Reb behind me kicked me in the back. 17) Trent Lott, one of the biggest morons in the history of the Beltway, is naturally a former Ole Wuss cheerleader. Setting aside such gems as his statement that the country would have been better off electing the segregationist ticket in 1948, Lott managed to get rolled by Tom Daschle, the biggest dumbass ever to lead the Senate Democrats. Shepard Smith, the biggest tool on Fox News, is also a Hotty Toddy. 18) The Arkansas State game. Granted, the SEC is a brutal conference, and its members commonly schedule cream puffs for non-conference games. LSU has also played Arkansas State multiple times. But at least the Tigers didn’t play AT JONESBORO. Maybe Ole Maid wanted their players to see what a real stadium looks like. 19) Complete lack of imagination. "Go to Hell State"? "Go to Hell LSU"? How original. I guess they're rubber and we're glue. 20) The Walk of Champions? Better hope the truth-in-advertising people don't find out about that. Which of these does not belong: Alaska-Fairbanks, Baylor, Boise State, Bowling Green, CCNY, Eastern Kentucky, Furman, Holy Cross, James Madison, Michigan Tech, Minnesota-Duluth, Montana State, Northern Iowa, Ole Miss, Rice, Southern Illinois-Edwardsville, Temple, Tulane, Wayne State, or William & Mary? The answer: Ole Miss, because this is a list of teams that have won a Division I national championship in something. No wonder they call it the Egg Bowl. GEAUX TIGERS!! lefire:
I do believe it's Richard Dawson, but that cracked me up anyway. I like the vitriol of this list, and calling out Trent Lott in the context of an upcoming football game is just hilarious.
Passionate post! A man posts something that long ... he's worried about something!!! Ole Miss hasn't ever accomplished jack ... as we all know. They're just a small school (8K when I played) with that Tulane-style LITTLE MAN CHIP-ON-THE-SHOULDER BIGMOUTH WE'LL SEE NEXT YEAR BS they give U ... and god forbid when they finally pull off an upset. LSU has nothing to gain by playing them ... they're always the spoiler. Fact is ... they've kept the last several games close and could play spoiler this week ... and that's got some LSU folks scared ... most notably LESS SMILES.
OH, aiight...didn't know that was that dope's name! Richard Dawson was the ultimate, sleazy game show pimp.
