How many SEC fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? At VANDERBILT: it takes two; one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard. At GEORGIA: it takes two; one to change the bulb and one to phone an engineer at Georgia Tech for instructions. At FLORIDA: it takes four; one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one. At ALABAMA: it takes five; one to change it, three to reminisce about how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator. At OLE MISS: it takes six; one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion. At LSU: it takes seven; and each one gets credit for five semester hours. At KENTUCKY; it takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season. At TENNESSEE; it takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how much they hate Alabama. At MISSISSIPPI STATE; it takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS". At AUBURN; it takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk about how they did it better than at Bama, and fifty to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished. At SOUTH CAROLINA; it takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent football team. At ARKANSAS; None. There is no electricity in Arkansas.