Joke of the Day

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out something
'exciting' and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little
boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class ....
and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and then
sat back down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.

'It's a period,' he replied.

'I can see that,' said the teacher, 'but what is so 'exciting' about a period?'

'Darned if I know,' he said, 'but this morning my sister was 'missing' one.
Mommy fainted, Daddy had a heart attack, and the boy next door joined the Navy...

 

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.
OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff ? grass.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat
patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know chit?

 

Little Suzy had a box of very small kittens that she was trying to
give away, so she had them out on the street corner with a sign "FREE KITTENS" next to them.

Suddenly a long line of big black cars came up with a policeman on
a motorcycle in front. The cars all stopped and a tall man stepped
out from the biggest car. "Hi, little girl, what do you have there in
the box?" he asked.

"Kittens" Little Suzy says. "They're so small, their eyes are not
even open yet."

"What kind of kittens are they?" he asked.

"Democrats" says Little Suzy. The tall man smiled, returned to his
car and they drove away.

Sensing a good photo opportunity, Sen. Obama called his
campaign manager and told him about the little girl with the
kittens. It was planned that they would return the next day, have
all the media there and tell everyone about these "democrat" kittens.

The next day, Little Suzy is standing out on the corner with her box
of kittens with the "FREE KITTENS" sign and the big motorcade
of black cars pulled up with all the vans and trucks from ABC, NBC,
CBS and CNN.

Everyone had their cameras ready and then Sen. Obama got out of
his limo and walked up to Little Suzy. "Now don't be frightened," he
said, I just want you to tell all these nice news people just
what kind of kittens you're giving away today."

"Yes sir," Suzy said, "they are all REPUBLICAN kittens."

Taken by surprise, Sen. Obama said, "But yesterday you told me they
were DEMOCRATS."

Little Suzy says, "Yes, I know. But today, they have their eyes
open."

 

An elderly couple was attending church services.
About halfway through, she leaned over and whispered to her husband,
"Oh dear, I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"
"Put a new battery in your hearing aid," he replied.

 

Subject: What begins with F and ends with K


A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'


Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!' Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'Harry: '9.'


Principal: ' What is 6 x 6?' Harry: '36.'
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.' Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.' The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?' Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.' Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?' The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: 'Pockets.' Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps in to?'Harry: 'Pants.' Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'
Harry: 'Coconut.' The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'



Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs on the ground?'
Harry: 'Shake hands.'The principal was trembling.



Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry: 'Firetruck.' The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......

 

Billy and Susie, two five-year-olds, are playing in the sandbox one day. Susie says, "Billy, what's a penis?"

Billy says, "I don't know. But I'll ask my Dad - he knows everything!" And off goes Billy to find his Dad. "Dad," he says, "What's a penis?"

Well, you know how Dads are....he says, "C'mon Son, I'll show you!" They go into the bathroom where Dad unbuckles his belt, drops his pants and shorts and points to his penis saying, "Son - THIS is a penis. In fact, this is a PERFECT penis!" Billy says "Gee, thanks, Dad!" and runs back to the sandbox where Susie is still playing.

"Susie, Susie!" Billy says. "I found out what a penis is!"

"What is it?" Susie asks.

"O.K.," Billy says...."I'll show you."

So Billy drops his shorts and points to his penis saying, "Susie - THIS is a penis. And if was two inches SHORTER, it would be a perfect penis!"

 

A three year old girl is at a wedding with her mother.When she asks her mother why is the bride dressed all in white. The mother said because it is the happiest day of her life. The little girl said why is the guy dressed in black.

 

Boudreaux died and was on his way down to Hell. In anticipation, the Devil turned up the thermostat to make it extra warm for Boudreaux. When Boudreaux arrived, the Devil asked, "Hey Boudreaux, how do you like the heat down here?"

Boudreaux says, "Mais, it's just fine. It reminds me of Bayou PonPon in July."
That made the Devil mad. That night, he turned the thermostat up all the way it could go. Man it was hot! When Boudreaux woke up, the Devil asked him, "NOW how do you like it down here?"
Boudreaux says, "Mais, it's fine. It reminds me of August on Bayou Lafourche."
As you might expect, that made the Devil all the more mad. Well, that night, he turned the thermostat down all the way it could go! The whole place frosted over. Icicles started forming from the rafters. When Boudreaux woke up, the Devil asked him, "How you like it NOW, Boudreaux?"
Boudreaux, shivering, through blue lips, says, "Mais cher, I'm one happy Cajun!"
The Devil was infuriated! He yelled, "What do you mean you're one happy Cajun?!!" Boudreaux, still shivering says, "The Saints done won the Superbowl!"