In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. "Sir," she said. "You may use the ladies' room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall." He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP, and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. "What a nice feeling," he thought. "Mens' restrooms don't have nice things like this." Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies' restroom was more than a restroom; it is a tender, loving pleasure treat. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. Next thing he knew he opened his eyes. He was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. "What happened?" he exclaimed. 'The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button." "The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack." Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good. Male readers: Please scroll down. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife . Moral of the story: Women never listen but they think they are real smart.
Emailed to me today: Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter, was being interviewed by a > French journalist and animal rights activist. > > The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What > do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot > him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my > brother?'" > > Nugent replied, "Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they > care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw > next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the > French." > > The interview ended at that point.
What does a Shaquille Oneal and a Catholic priest have in common? They are both taller then their sex partners.
Little eight-year-old Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. This kid was always good for a laugh. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died," Nancy sobbed, "and I've just buried him." The obnoxious neighbor laughed and said condescendingly, "That's a really big hole for a little Goldfish, don't you think?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth with her shovel and replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m a-looking for the man who shot my paw.”
I like that. And it reminds me of the dog with no legs.....every morning his master takes him out for a drag.
