Joke of the Day

Discussion in 'New Roundtable' started by Luv4LSU, May 31, 2007.

  1. geauxgeauxhon

    geauxgeauxhon blah blah blah

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    Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "I'll man the guns, you drive."

    **

    Two fish swim into a wall. One says to the other, "Dam!"

    **

    A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

    **

    A sandwich walks into a bar. "I'm sorry," the bartender says, " but we don't serve food in here."

    **

    "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"

    "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

    "Is it common?"

    "It's not unusual."




    Ba du dun.
     
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  2. Luv4LSU

    Luv4LSU Founding Member

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    A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

    Then man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance...

    :eek: :hihi:
     
  3. bhelmLSU

    bhelmLSU Founding Member Staff Member

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    What is the 1st thing a women does after a battered womens' meeting?















    Cooks dinner if she knows what is good for her.:hihi:

    Ladies dont attack me for that one, I heard it the other day from a women.:)
     
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  4. LSUtiger327

    LSUtiger327 Pow right in da kissa

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    There were two cows standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "Hey, aren't you worried about getting that mad cow disease?"
    The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a chicken!"

    A cop saw a car driving erratically and pulled the driver over.
    "Sir, I need you to breath in this breathalizer for me," said the policeman.

    The guy said, "I can't do that, office. I'm an asthmatic. If I do that, then I'll have a really big asthma attack."
    The cop said, "Okay, then I need you to come down to the station with me and we'll do some blood work."
    The guy said, "I can't do that either. I'm a hemophiliac. If I do that, then I will bleed to death."
    The cop said, "Fine. Then I need a urine sample from you."
    The guy replied, "I can't do that either. I'm diabetic. If I do that then my sugar will get REALLY LOW and I may die."
    The cop then said, "Okay, okay! Then I need you to step out of the car and walk this white line."
    The guy said, "Sorry, but I can't do that either."
    The frustrated cop said, "Why not!?"
    The guy said, "Because I'm drunk."

    A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop. "I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.

    A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"


     
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  5. BamaBengalTiger

    BamaBengalTiger Geaux Tigers !!!!!

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    That one is too real.:lol:
     
  6. LSUfan71

    LSUfan71 Founding Member

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    The vacation season is upon us. Here's a suggestion for the concerned traveler:

    (click for a larger version)
    View attachment 9070
     
  7. LSUTiga

    LSUTiga TF Pubic Relations

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    Neat idea but I'd be afraid they'd get mixed up with the ones I'd just taken off. :eek:
     
  8. LSUfan71

    LSUfan71 Founding Member

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    :shock:
     
  9. Luv4LSU

    Luv4LSU Founding Member

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    Hell, that's what they look like after they get out the dryer! :redface:
     
  10. orlandotiger

    orlandotiger GEAUX TIGERS!

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    One for the ladies:


    > SHORT STORY
    >
    >
    Man driving down road. Woman driving up same road... They pass
    each other.. The woman yells out the window, PIG!

    Man yells back out window, B I T C H! Man rounds next curve.
    Crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road and dies.

    Thought for The Day:
    If only men would listen........
     

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