A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside. As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar: COLD BEER: $2.00 HAMBURGER: $2.25 CHEESEBURGER: $2.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50 HAND JOB: $50.00 Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ol' biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers. She glides down behind the bar to the biker. "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile........"May I help you?" The biker leans over the bar........"I was wondering young lady," he whispers, "are you by chance the one who gives the hand-jobs?" She looks into his eyes with a very special smile and purrs, "Why yes, yes, I sure am." The ol' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, could you wash your hands real good, 'cause I'd like a cheeseburger?"
A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that Gramps has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda in their respective aisles. Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, Albert, we won't be long -- easy, boy." Another outburst, and she hears Gramps calmly say, "It's okay, Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Gramps again in a controlled voice is says, "Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert." Very impressed, the woman goes outside where Gramps is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. "You know, sir, it's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. Albert is very lucky to have you as his grandpa." "Thanks, lady," said Gramps, "But, I'm Albert -- the little bastard's name is Steve."
This guy starts talking to a girl at the bar. She say her name is Carmen. It's what I call myself", she explains, "Carmen, . . . because I like cars . . . and men. So what's you name". He extends his hand and says, "Hi, I'm BJ Titsandgolf."
A man gets on a plane and to his pleasant surprise finds himself seated next to an incredibly beautiful woman. They strike up a conversation and the woman tells him that she is on her way to a conference on nymphomania where she is the guest lecturer. She tells him "Did you know that its a little known fact but the American Indian male is known to have the largest male sex organ, but the Irish men are the most sensitive lovers. However the very best men in bed are the Southern Redneck men." The man turns to her and tells her "Pardon me but I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Geronimo. Geronimo O'Brien, but my friends all call me Bubba."
Good one Okie That was funny Oh my goodness, I almost fell out of my chair laughing at that one :lol: :lol:
Monday is already a terrible way to spend 1/7 of your life and you have to go and do this:angryfire:hihi:
