let's dis martha some more......

Discussion in 'Good Eats' started by snorton938, Sep 8, 2004.

  1. snorton938

    snorton938 Founding Member

    Feb 5, 2004
    Likes Received:
    she chose to trade billions for thousands $$$......let's just kick her around some more for being a conneticut yankee ********* !!!!!

    "Martha Stewart published her recipe for disaster -- mix one part arrogance with two parts incompetence, simmer in the juices and then serve hot in the can." —Jay Leno

    "Tough times for Martha Stewart. Yesterday, Martha Stewart reported to her parole officer and had to take a mandatory urine test for cocaine and marijuana. Martha was found to be drug-free and her urine was found to be a lovely yellow saffron." —Conan O'Brien

    "Martha Stewart was convicted of four counts of lying and obstruction of justice and could serve up to 20 years in Congress." —Craig Kilborn

    "Martha Stewart was found guilty on all charges. You know what that means, stripes are in this year." —Jay Leno

    "Earlier today, the jury at the Martha Stewart trial reached a verdict. Martha was found guilty on all charges. In a related story, there's a huge sale at K-Mart." —Conan O'Brien

    "This is serious, if Martha gets the maximum sentence on all counts, she could serve 20 years in prison. Of course, you have to take off time off for good behavior, which means 20 years in prison." —Conan O'Brien

    "Yes! We finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the public by companies like Enron, Global Crossing, and Tyco we finally got the ring leader. Maybe now we can lower the nation's terror alert to periwinkle." —Jon Stewart

    "Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how to get ink off your fingers using seltzer water and lemon juice." —Conan O'Brien

    "Federal authorities have informed Martha Stewart's lawyers she will be indicted for her role in the ImClone insider trading scandal. Good news for Martha — stripes are back in this year." —Craig Kilborn

    "Earlier today Martha Stewart issued a statement saying 'I am innocent and will fight to clear my name.' Yeah, Martha then said 'I look forward to the day when people stop thinking I am guilty and get back to thinking I am cold and arrogant.'" —Conan O'Brien

    "The corporate scandals are getting bigger and bigger. In a speech on Wall Street, President Bush spoke out on corporate responsibility, and he warned executives not to cook the books. Afterwards, Martha Stewart said the correct term was to sauté the books." —Conan O'Brien

    "Martha Stewart denied allegations that she had been given inside information to sell 4,000 shares of a stock in a biotech firm about to go under. Stewart then showed her audience how to make a festive, quick-burning yule log out of freshly-shredded financial documents." —Dennis Miller

    "In New York the other day, there was a pro-Martha Stewart rally. Only four people showed up ... and three of them were made out of crepe paper!" —Conan O'Brien

    "When reached for comment on the charges, Martha didn't say much, (only) that a subpoena should be served with a nice appetizer." —Conan O'Brien

    "Martha Stewart had an interesting show this morning – she showed how to make bail. Did you see that?" —Jay Leno

    "NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To Extradition.'" —Conan O'Brien

    "Things are not looking good for Martha Stewart. Her stock was down 23 percent yesterday. Wow, that dropped quicker than Dick Cheney after a double-cheeseburger." —Jay Leno

    "I heard this rumor that al Qaeda is merging with Hamas. Yeah, I got that tip from Martha Stewart." —David Letterman

    "Tom Ridge announced a new color-coded alarm system. ... Green means everything's okay. Red means we're in extreme danger. And champagne-fuschia means we're being attacked by Martha Stewart." —Conan O'Brien
  2. SabanFan

    SabanFan The voice of reason

    Oct 21, 2002
    Likes Received:
    I know youve been gone awhile, but let's stick to current events.
  3. MarineTiger

    MarineTiger Founding Member

    Aug 30, 2004
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    You know we have captured Saddam
  4. snorton938

    snorton938 Founding Member

    Feb 5, 2004
    Likes Received:
    hopefully these make me a little more up with the times

    :D here are some of my apologies for being outdated (is truman still president?):

    Cajun Meatloaf

    My favorite food memories usually involve my grandmothers. The following is a variation of Grandma Baumgart's meatloaf with tomato gravy. My grandfather has always been a strictly meat & potatoes man, so Grandma B. was never able to lend much creativity to her recipes, but she was a master with ground beef and tomato paste. Simple and easy to prepare, this Cajun meatloaf is a bit spicier than my grandmother's, but I think it fits well with our menu. At the club, we serve this dish with garlic mashed potatoes, collard greens and buttermilk cornbread.

    (serves 6)

    3 pounds ground beef
    1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley
    1 small bell pepper, diced
    1 onion, chopped
    1 (6 ounce) can tomato paste
    2 slices stale bread or rolls
    2 eggs
    1 teaspoon Cajun spice blend
    1/2 teaspoon Tabasco sauce (more or less, to taste)
    1 tablespoon gumbo filé powder
    1 teaspoon salt
    2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce

    Pre-heat oven to 350°F.

    Combine all ingredients in a large mixing bowl and mix well.

    Pat into ungreased loaf pan and bake for about 45 minutes, until done.

    Homemade Pico de Gallo

    (Serve as a condiment with Cajun Quesadillas, tacos and other Southwest or Mexican dishes.)

    2 medium tomatoes, diced small
    1 fresh jalapeño, minced
    1 lime, juiced
    1 small red onion, chopped
    1/2 bunch fresh cilantro, chopped
    salt & pepper, to taste

    Combine ingredients in glass or metal bowl and refrigerate.

    Cornbread Pudding

    (makes 4-6 portions)

    4 eggs, beaten
    1 cup brown sugar
    2 cups half & half
    1 tablespoon vanilla
    6 pieces day-old cornbread, cubed
    1 cup mini chocolate chips

    Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

    Combine ingredients in large mixing bowl (saving one cup chocolate chips for later) and allow to sit for 15-20 minutes, until bread has absorbed majority of liquid.

    Transfer to well greased cake or glass baking pan. Sprinkle remaining chocolate chips over top of mixture.

    Bake until firm (about 40-60 minutes).

    Bubba's Windy City Chili

    (Makes about 1 gallon)

    2 pounds ground beef
    1 medium onion, diced
    2 cloves fresh garlic, minced
    2 green bell peppers, diced
    3 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
    3 tablespoons dark chili powder
    2 tablespoons ground cumin
    2 cans (28 ounces ea.) diced tomatoes
    1 can (10 ounces) tomato paste

    2 cans (15 ounces ea.) kidney beans, rinsed (or leave 'em out)
    2 or three tablespoons salt, to taste

    In a large heavy pot, brown ground beef over medium-high flame. Drain and reserve grease for next step.

    Sauté onions in excess grease, until transparent. Add garlic and cook a few more minutes.

    Add peppers, tomatoes, tomato paste and seasonings. Stir to combine and bring to boil.

    Add kidney beans (or leave 'em out) and salt, to taste. Simmer for about an hour.

    * Serve with diced onion, cheddar cheese and oyster crackers.

    Gramma B's Tomato Onion Gravy

    (makes about 1 quart)

    4 tablespoons margarine
    1 onion, chopped
    2 to 4 tablespoons flour
    1 cube vegetable bouillon
    4 cups hot water
    1 (10 ounce) can tomato paste
    1/2 teaspoon Tabasco sauce
    2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
    2 teaspoons gumbo filé powder
    1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

    In a large sauce pan, Sauté onions in melted margarine until tender.

    Add flour until margarine is absorbed. Cook until roux begins to brown.

    Dissolve bouillon in water and add slowly to roux.

    Add tomato paste and remaining ingredients to liquid mixture and stir to combine. Simmer over low flame for about 30-45 minutes, until desired thickness (should coat the back of a spoon). Add a little more water or flour if necessary to control thickness.

    Baton Rouge Ribeye

    (makes 1 serving)

    1 (12-16 ounce) ribeye steak
    2 tablespoons peanut oil
    2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
    Dash of TABASCO®
    Cajun spice blend, to taste

    12-18 crawfish tails, peeled
    1 green onion, diced
    2 tablespoons butter
    1 tablespoon white wine (optional)
    1 tablespoon flour
    salt & Cajun spice blend, to taste

    Combine peanut oil, Worcestershire, TABASCO® and some Cajun spice in a shallow pie plate or glass dish. Marinate both sides of steak in mixture for at least 15 minutes.

    Begin cooking steak on a grill or in a broiler.

    While steak is cooking, melt butter in large fry pan over moderate heat and sauté the onions with some Cajun spice.

    Sauté crawfish tails until tender.

    Add flour and stir to absorb. Add wine and simmer to reduce until flavors are well combined.

    Finish steak to desired doneness and top with sautéed crawfish. Serve immediately with baked potato and Creole String Beans.

    Chef's Notes: You may substitute peeled & deveined shrimp, or fresh shucked oysters for the crawfish tails in this recipe.

    Creole String Beans

    (makes 2 servings)

    8 ounces fresh green beans
    2 tablespoons butter or margarine
    1 fresh tomato, diced
    1/2 teaspoon fresh garlic, minced
    dash cayenne pepper (optional)

    Boil a medium to large pot of water on the stove. Blanch (quickly boil) beans in water for about 15-20 seconds, just to bring out bright green color.

    Melt butter in medium fry pan over moderate heat.

    Combine ingredients and sauté for a few minutes, until beans are "al dente" (tender, but still firm).

    Lemon Pound Cake

    Pound cake is one of the easiest, richest desserts around. It's so versatile, you can frost it, serve it plain with whipped cream and fresh fruit or just enjoy a slice with a good cup of coffee. You can even add your own favorite flavorings for an unlimited number of variations. The following is my favorite pound cake recipe, which in reality is prepared like a quick bread.

    (makes one loaf)

    1 pound butter, softened
    3 cups granulated sugar
    8 large eggs
    2 tablespoons lemon juice*
    4 cups flour
    2 teaspoons baking powder
    1/2 teaspoon salt

    Preheat oven to 350°F.

    Cream butter and sugar in a large mixing bowl and add lemon juice and eggs and mix well.

    Combine flour, baking powder and salt in a bowl and add gradually to butter mixture.

    Transfer batter to a lightly greased and floured loaf pan and bake for about an hour, or until toothpick inserted comes out clean. Allow to cool in pan.

    Chef's Notes: You may substitute your favorite flavoring here. If you are using a concentrated extract (vanilla, almond, etc.), you should probably keep the amount to about a teaspoon or less. For ground spices like nutmeg or mace, I suggest less than a half teaspoon. If you prefer to use liquor (bourbon, rum, brandy) you can add as much as two tablespoons. Add a half cup of poppy seeds to above recipe for another tasty variation.

    A lighter, fluffier cake can be achieved by separating your eggs and beating the whites until peaks are formed. Fold the whites into the batter at the end of Step Three.

    Red Velvet Cake

    (makes one two-layer cake)

    1/2 cup butter
    1-1/2 cups sugar
    2 eggs
    1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla
    1 teaspoon salt
    2-1/2 cups sifted cake flour
    1/4 cup cocoa
    1-1/2 teaspoons baking soda
    1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
    1 teaspoon cinnamon
    1 cup buttermilk or sour milk*
    1 tablespoon red food coloring
    1 tablespoon white vinegar

    Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease and lightly flour two 9-inch round cake pans.

    In a large mixing bowl, cream together butter & sugar. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition.

    Combine flour, cinnamon, cocoa and baking powder in a medium bowl. Add gradually to creamed sugar, alternating with milk.

    Dissolve soda in vinegar and fold very carefully into batter. Stir to combine, but do not overmix.

    Pour into prepared baking pans and bake about 30 minutes or until cake springs back when lightly touched with finger. Cool in pans on wire rack for five minutes. Remove from pans and cool completely before frosting.

    Chef's Notes: To make sour milk, just add one tablespoon of white vinegar to a cup of milk. This is in addition to the vinegar used in step four of the recipe.

    Cajun Crawfish Quesadilla

    (makes 1 entree serving or 2 appetizer servings)

    1 large (12 inch) flour tortilla
    12-18 peeled & deveined crawfish tails
    1/4 cup Monterey Jack cheese, shredded or sliced thin
    1/2 teaspoon fresh jalapeños, chopped (optional)
    1 green onion, chopped
    1 tablespoon butter
    Cajun spice blend, to taste

    Melt butter in large fry pan over moderate heat.

    Assemble quesadilla by layering ingredients on one half of the tortilla. Fold in half and sauté until tortilla is browned on one side.

    Flip and sauté on other side until cheese is melted.

    Cut into pie shaped wedges and serve with sour cream, shredded lettuce and salsa or homemade Pico de Gallo.

    Chef's Notes: You may substitute peeled & deveined cooked shrimp, grilled chicken or steak for the crawfish tails in this recipe.

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