Discussion in 'Free Speech Alley' started by Aubie16, Jun 4, 2005.

  1. Aubie16

    Aubie16 Founding Member

    Oct 5, 2004
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    Have you ever thought about writing anything? I don't know...a book, a pamphlet, a collection of every random thought you've ever had?

    I check the free speech alley most of the time just to read your comments in every thread. I find myself laughing out loud with people looking at me... :redface:

    Anywyas, I agree with a lot of your comments, and count me among somebody who would definaltey buy a book you wrote!

    It would definatley be a great mixture of comedy, common sense, and would be great for a heartless guy like me! :hihi:
  2. diamondheadtiger

    diamondheadtiger Founding Member

    Aug 27, 2003
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  3. USNavyTiger

    USNavyTiger Founding Member

    Mar 20, 2005
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    did anyone catch that reply delete?

  4. martin

    martin Banned Forever

    Oct 20, 2003
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    im glad somebody reads what i say, thanks. the first books will hit the market in 2008.

    no, what was it.
  5. USNavyTiger

    USNavyTiger Founding Member

    Mar 20, 2005
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    hahaha i was just joking, but I said for him to stop trying to suck your..."cawk"
  6. red55

    red55 curmudgeon Staff Member

    Oct 21, 2002
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    From Saturday Night Live transcripts:

    [ open on footage of wine country ]

    [ dissolve to interior, corking room, as Giuseppe enters with tour group]

    Giuseppe: Right this way, folks. You're now entering.. the corking room. This is where.. the final step in the bottling process happens - where we prepare all the corks for all the bottles of Brunello that you saw earlier.

    Marcello: Any questions? [ a hand is raised ] Yes?

    Female Tourist: I've always actually wondered about that. How do you cork the bottles?

    Marcello: Excellent-a question, ma bella. As you can see, we are -asoaking all of the corks in this room right now. These three guys right here are some of the most talented cork soakers! Say hello, you all cork soakers!

    [ the three cork soakers turn around and wave happily to the tour group ]

    Male Tourist: Now, I'm curious - how does one become a cork soaker.

    Giuseppe: As we-a like-a to say, "Cork soakers are born, not made."

    Marcello: Yeah. Luigi here was simply born to soak cork! Come say hi, Luigi!

    Luigi: I love-a soaking the cork! I could-a soak the cork all night long, if they let me! I want to-a soak two corks at once!

    Female Tourist: So.. are all corks the same?

    Marcello: No, no, no..

    Cork Soaker #1: I like-a to soak the big-a, thick-a corks!

    Luigi: I like-a the long-a, skinny ones.

    Cork Soaker #2: I like-a the dark-a ones.

    Giuseppe: The great-a thing about the cork soaking, is that while you are-a soaking the cork, you can also.. massage-a the grapes, until the cork is ready. [ holds up a bunch of grapes ]

    Marcello: That's right.

    Female Tourist: So, how did you learn to soak corks?

    Marcello: You know, I'll never forget the first time I soaked-a cork. I was fifteen, in-a summer camp.

    Female Tourist: You know, I've noticed that all the cork soakers are men. Do women make good soakers?

    Giuseppe: Oh, yes! Yes! Monica, Carmella - come in here!

    Marcello: Come in here.

    [ Monica and Carmella enter scene ]

    Giuseppe: Monica.. tell-a these-a nice-a people.. how you soak the cork.

    Monica: Well, ever since I started soaking cork, I'm the most popular girl in school!

    Marcello: It's-a true - men come-a from all over just to watch her soak a cork. And Grandma Carmella still-a soaking cork at age 87! I got to say that, too!

    Carmella: [ speaking with her gums ] It's crazy! Ever since I lost my teeth, people tell me I soak the cork better than ever!

    Female Tourist: Wow, this soaking corks really seems like a family business. So.. does your wife like soaking cork?

    Marcello: Well.. she used to, when we were dating. Now, not so much.

    Male Tourist: Um.. could you teach me how to soak cork?

    Giuseppe: You know.. when-a you walked in here.. I could-a sworn you already an expert cork soaker!

    Male Tourist: [ flattered ] Thank you! I dabbled in college. Um.. but, let me ask you this - do you ever run out of corks to soak?

    Marcello: Oh, yeah, I'll never forget this one that was unusually large. And I thought Giuseppe would need extra cork.

    Giuseppe: And I thought Marcello would need more corks.

    Marcello: So we soaked-a each other's corks at the same time! [ to Giuseppe ] Do you remember that?

    Giuseppe: Can you imagine that? Me-a soaking his cork.. while-a he soaked mine?

    Female Tourist: This is all really so fascinating. So, do you think that one of you could teach me how to soak corks?

    [ the cork soakers cheer excitedly, each rallying to be the one to teach the beautfiul tourist the art of their craft ]

    Giuseppe: Oh, I'm sorry. Come with me, ma bella. I will let you soak-a my cork as long as you like!

    [ they depart from the group ]

    Marcello: Cheers! Cheers!

    [ fade ]
  7. JSracing

    JSracing Founding Member

    Nov 24, 2003
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    so what are you saying? that martin and this fellow are cork soakers?
  8. G_MAN113

    G_MAN113 Founding Member

    Nov 10, 2003
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    This is a classic...right up there w/ Alec Baldwin as Mr. Schwetty, the confectioner, and the two public radio ladies doing the informercial about Salty Schwetty Balls.

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