What do you call a one-legged woman? Ans: Eileen. What do you call a one-legged Japanese woman? Ans: Irene.
Red kicked off this thread with the above joke. Funny though--I remember the ending slightly differently, playing off the boldface comment by the old prospector. So, it went like so: The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?" The gunslinger, now sweating profusely, gulped and said in a respectful voice, "No sir...but I've always wanted to......."
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying by the front door? Ans: Matt What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in the water? Ans: Bob What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? Ans: Art Did you hear the one about the dog with no legs? Every morning his master takes him out for a drag.
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? One....but it takes a long time... and the lightbulb really has to want to change.
Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I ease my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully get out of the car and open the trunk. I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe! They are in trench coats exposing their private parts to the approaching drivers. But to my surprise, cars start slowing down looking at my lifelike men. And of course, traffic starts backing up. Everybody is tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulls up behind me. He gets out of his car and starts walking towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper! 'What's going on here?' 'My car has a flat tire', I said calmly. 'Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?' I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him, 'Helloooooo, those are my emergency flashers!'
Q: What do you call nuts on your wall? A: Wallnuts yep Q: What do you call nuts on your corn stalk? A: Corn nuts yep Q: What do you call nuts on your chest? A: Chestnuts Nope, dick in your mouth
MctIgers man with no arms or legs was propped up on beach watching the waves. Three gorgeous girls walking down the beach saw him, immediately felt sorry for him, and walked up to him. The first girl asked the man if he had ever been hugged. He said "no" so she bent down and gave him a big hug. The man was thrilled. The second girl asks, if h e has ever been kissed. Again no is the answer so she bends over and lays one on him, the French way! The third girl asks if he's ever been fucked. He says "no" and can't stop grinning. The girl steps back and says "well you will be soon cause that tide is coming in fast!"
The mayor of Phoenix was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Phoenix. He could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Phoenix was full of pigeon poop; the people of Phoenix could not walk on the sidewalks, or drive on the roads. It was costing a fortune to keep the streets and sidewalks clean. One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition. 'I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without any cost to the city. But, you must promise not to ask me any questions. Or, you can pay me one million dollars to ask one question.' The mayor considered the offer briefly and accepted the free proposition. The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall and released a blue pigeon. The blue pigeon circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue Arizona sky. All the pigeons in Phoenix saw the blue pigeon and gathered up in the air behind the blue pigeon. The Phoenix pigeons followed the blue pigeon as she flew southward out of the city. The next day the blue pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City Hall. The Mayor was very impressed. He felt the man and the blue pigeon had performed a wonderful miraculous feat to rid Phoenix of the plague of pigeons. Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor presented him with a check for 1 million dollars and told the man that, indeed, he did have a question to ask and even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the 1 million just to get to ask ONE question. The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his ONE question. The mayor asked: 'Do you have a blue Mexican?'
