I don't much feel like being here on the joke thread. My dog just got run over. He was chasing an ambulance and got trampled by a bunch of lawyers.
A touching story! As she sat by him, he whispered, his eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what Martha?" "What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I'm beginning to think you're fucking bad luck."
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they had hot, sweaty sex all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they both fell asleep, finally waking up around 8pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she did as requested. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?!" Demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
12 priests about to be ordained are given a final test. They had to line up nude while a sexy model danced before them. Each priest had a bell attached to his penis and were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced would not be ordained for not reaching a state of spiritual purity. The model danced before each of them with no reaction until she got to the final priest, Carlos. As she danced, his bell rang so loudly that it flew off. Carlos bent over to pick it up.... and all the other bells started to ring.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. -- MATH JOKE AHEAD PROCEED WITH EXTREME CAUTION Do you know why algebra was so easy for the Great Roman Civilization? Because X always equalled 10! Boooooo -------yaaaahhhhhh!!!!
