New Joke Thread

Discussion in 'New Roundtable' started by red55, Dec 16, 2009.

  1. red55

    red55 curmudgeon Staff Member

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    An engineer thinks that his equations are an approximation to reality. A physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations. A mathematician doesn't care.
     
    KyleK likes this.
  2. HalloweenRun

    HalloweenRun Founding Member

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    Math -> Physics -> Chemistry -> Biology ->Psychology

    It's all about math!
     
  3. Bengal B

    Bengal B Founding Member

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    Q. What do you call a Mexican who can swim?
    A. A Texan
     
  4. gyver

    gyver Rely on yourself not on others.

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    Last edited: Apr 27, 2014
  5. HalloweenRun

    HalloweenRun Founding Member

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    THis one should resonate with some of you guys:

    A little girl asked her Mom,
    "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
    Mom replies,
    "No, because she is in heat."
    "What's that mean?" asked the child.
    "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

    The little girl goes to the garage and says,
    "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block?
    I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."
    Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."
    Being old school he took a rag, soaked it with a little gasoline, and
    dabbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said,
    "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time
    round the block."

    The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the
    leash.
    Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"

    The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway around the
    block, so another dog is pushing her home."
     
    shane0911 likes this.
  6. red55

    red55 curmudgeon Staff Member

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    Why God never received tenure at LSU...

    1. He had only one major publication.

    2. It was in Hebrew.

    3. It had no references.

    4. It wasn't published in a refereed journal.

    5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself.

    6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?

    7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.

    8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.

    9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.

    10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.

    11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.

    12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the Book.

    13. Some say he had his son teach the class.

    14. He expelled his first two students for learning.

    15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.

    16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.
     
    MLUTiger, Winston1, LSUDad and 2 others like this.
  7. b_leblanc

    b_leblanc That's just my game...

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    As a Christ-centered man I find this pretty funny.
     
  8. b_leblanc

    b_leblanc That's just my game...

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    An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. "There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear." Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. "Now you must do the same," he told the class. After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed. "Second," the professor continued, "you must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this man's anus, but licked my index finger?"
     
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  9. Bengal B

    Bengal B Founding Member

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    I grew up in a really tough neighborhood. There were gangs everywhere. Black gangs, the Crips and the Bloods, The Vice Lords, a Mexican gang, a biker gang, the Hells Angels. But there was one gang that was tougher than all of them. Everybody was afraid of them. It was a Jewish gang. They called themselves the Land Lords.
     
  10. red55

    red55 curmudgeon Staff Member

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    So Hitler and Stalin are sitting at a bar, chatting about their successes and failures. A guy pulls up a stool next to them, sits down and orders a beer. He leans over, and extends his hand, and says,"Hey, my name's Phil. How's it going?"

    "Vell, I'm Hitler, and dis eez Schtalin. Ve are talking about a great undertaking. Ve are going to kill six million Jews, and a bicycle repairman."

    "Jeez, why a bicycle repairman?"

    Hitler turns to Stalin, and smirks, "Schee Schtalin! I told you no von cares about ze Jews!"
     

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