A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6. A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had avocados." If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time.
A woman with no arms and no legs is crying on the beach. A man walks up to her and says "What's wrong?" She replies "I've never been kissed before." So the man kisses her, but she starts crying even more. He says "What's wrong? I thought you wanted to be kissed." This time she replies "Yea, but I've never been fucked before." The man thinks for a second, and has an idea. He picks her up by her sides, and throws her as far as he can into the ocean. He yells to her "Well, you're fucked now!"
A retired couple are sitting on their potch one evening, relaxing. The wife asks her husband, "sweetheart, what are you doing tomorrow?". The husband replies, "Nothing". The wife looks at him and says, "But that's what you did today!" And the husbands responds, "I know.... I didn't get finished".
I was banging this nice lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the backdoor!" Thinking back on my behavior, I really should have ran, but you don't get an offer like that every day.
