An extremely large, muscular woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit and pointed to all the men sitting at the bar and asked, "Which of you men will buy a lady a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. At the end of the bar, was Boudreaux, a skinny little Cajun, who was as usual, VERY drunk. Boudreaux slammed his hand on the bar and said, "Give dat Ballerina a drink!" Thibodeaux, the bartender, a close friend of Boudreaux's, poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned again to the patrons and pointed around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit, and asked, "Which of you men will buy a lady a drink?" Once again, Boudreaux slapped his hand down on the bar and said, "Give dat Ballerina anudder drink!" Thibodeaux, finally approached Boudreaux and said, "Boudreaux mah fren', I know it ain't none of my business of course if you want to buy dat lady a drink, but how come you keep callin' her a Ballerina?" Boudreaux replied, "Thibodeaux . . . to me, any woman who can lift her leg dat high gots to be a Ballerina!"
Years ago, when Boudreaux was a college freshman, being fresh off the farm, and a rather healthy young man, he figured he'd try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch dis," Boudreaux told him, and proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Mais, sure I can run," said Boudreaux. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" exclamed the excited coach. "But can you pass a football?" Boudreaux rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds. "Mais, Coach," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?" Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same." They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol... ." Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?" "Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost. Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?" "Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good news first," says Sol. Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven." Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?" Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."
Especially because it is so easily adaptable. I tell it as a golf joke..."we have a Friday morning tee time."
Thibodeaux was fishing in the bayou one morning when Boudreaux drove up in his boat. The boat was filled with duckweed. Thibodeaux asked his friend what he was doing with all that duckweed. Boudreaux answered "I'm gonna get me some ducks." Thibodeaux said "Boudreaux, you crazy. You don't get ducks with duckweed. You get ducks with a shotgun. Later that afternoon Boudreaux passed back by and his boat was filled with ducks. The next morning Thibodeaux was fishing again when Boudreaux came by again. This time his boat was filled with crabgrass. Boudreaux said he was going to get some crabs. Thibodeaux just told him he was nuts if he thought you catch crabs with crabgrass. Before long Boudreaux came back by and his boat was filled with crabs. On the third morning Boudreaux stopped again to talk to his friend Thibodeaux. This time his boat was filled with pussy willow. Thibodeaux said, "Boudreaux, wait up for me I'm gonna go wit you."
BOUDREAUX & CLOTILLE - DEM TWO STARTED IT ALL The Bible records the first man and woman as being named Adam and Eve, but we in South Louisiana know better. They were really Boudreaux and Clotille. Now that Garden of Eden was situated somewhere southeast of New Iberia. One day Boudreaux was walking around the Garden of Eden and feeling very lonely, so God asked him, “Boudreaux, what is wrong with you?” Boudreaux replied, “Lord, I ain’t got nobody to talk wit me”. God told Boudreaux that he was going to make a companion and that it would be woman named Clotille. God said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she’ll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it. Boudreaux was joyous and axed God, “What will a woman like that cost?” God replied, "An arm and a leg." Then Boudreaux asked, “So what can I get for a rib?” The rest is history.....
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?" "What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. ”I think you're bad luck."
Two policemen call the station on the radio. "Hello. Is this the Sarge?" "Yes?" "We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean." "Have you arrested the woman?" "No, sir. The floor is still wet."
