A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says,"Doctor, I can't go to sleep at night because I'm terrified their might be monsters under the bed." The doc says,"That's an unusual problem for an adult, but I think we can work it out. I estimate it will take at least 5 sessions, and I charge $80 an hour." The woman left and after 2 weeks, had not scheduled an appointment. The doctor called her and asked how she was doing. She said,"Great! I told my husband what you said, and he said he could save us some money. Then he cut the legs off the bed."
Current events joke: What's the difference between Roman Catholics and Trump supporters? Roman Catholics sometimes question the infallibility of their leader.
I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car. I have ID that gets me into bars and the whisky store. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And I don’t have acne. Life is great. I have more friends I should tell this to, but right now I can't remember their names... Life is good
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.' The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
OK, this is little long, but a story I heard last weekend. My buddy goes to his first ship. He is an Ensign He meets his chief petty officer, the essence of the crusty, salty sailor. The chief asks my friend, the new ensign, his name. He says "Smith." The chief doubletakes, and says, say again, and my friend says "Smith." The Chief shakes his head and says, "Sir, could you spell that?" My friend spells it, and the Chief gives him a look, and says, you won't believe this but I have your name tattooed on my ass. Of course my Ensign friend is incredulous and accuses the Chief of making it up some BS to get the newbie. They argue back and forth awhile about the odds of the chief having my friends name tattooted on his butt. Finally the Chief throws down a twenty, and says, me and my money say I have your name tattooed on my ass. Well, my buddy can't take this so he calls BullShit, and throws down his twenty. The chief turns around,drops his trou and there it is. "YOUR NAME" right across his ass. The chief grabs my friend's money and says, "Welcome to the Fleet, Ensign."
