Dear Mr. Heffner, We are thrilled that you have chosen to honor us by selecting some of us for your All-American team. However, we feel that the images you a reported to present in your magazine do not hold with our standard of decency and therefore..... "Spears! Get off your fat a$$ and run sprints until you throw up that catfish!" Where was I? Oh, yeah... therefore we cannot accept the awards, and we have to decline your invitation to go to the Playboy mansion.... "Ben! If you want to keep playing center for this team, you better rip that muthafvckers head off! He's just a freshman for Chris' sake! Next year you may be making two million dollars, but today your a$$ is still mine!" Where was I? Oh yeah... mansion as we feel our boys are better off not being exposed to that sort of atmosphere, even the ones who have already fathered children. In closing, please feel free to pass on the awards and honors to the boys from the University of Georgia as they are heathens and are already damned for sure. Sincerely, Nick
Actually, Playboy employs the best sportswriters/researchers in the country... and we of course all read it for the articles...
