Report: USC back at #2 in AP poll

Discussion in 'The Tiger's Den' started by Nutriaitch, Oct 10, 2007.

  1. Nutriaitch

    Nutriaitch Fear the Buoy

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    Got this in an e-mail today. :hihi:


    REPORT: USC back to AP #2 after "solid" practice; Carroll makes nice with media
    USC jumps five spots after Carroll claims he "didn't mean to" lose to Stanford



    LOS ANGELES, Ca. (AP) –

    It didn't take long for the pollsters to forgive the USC Trojans. Or that dreamy Pete Carroll.

    In fact, USC’s fall from #2 only ended up lasting two days. Because, in the end - according to the AP voters - they had been punished long enough. And all it took was for Pete Carroll and USC to promise they had learned their lesson. Which, according to Pete Carroll and USC, they did.

    Tuesday afternoon's press conference began when Carroll, who looked really cute, made remarks that he felt his team was practicing with intensity following last weekend's shocking loss to 41-point underdog Stanford. He described his team's efforts as "solid," winked at the media, and then asked pretty-please if he could have his #2 ranking back - since his boys had worked so hard all week.

    And then he smiled. At me. (Sigh).

    During the roughly 45-minute long press conference, Carroll addressed multiple criticisms of his Trojans. He was quick to not only acknowledge the mistakes he made in the Stanford loss, but to bat his eyelashes at multiple AP voters.

    “Hello babe,” said Carroll, putting his arm around one media member. “Hey hey, my bad. My bad. I didn’t know it meant so much to you. If I had known, I never would have messed around with that silly old Stanford. It, it just happened.”

    "I didn't mean to lose to the Cardinal," said Carroll. "Do you know how embarassing it is to lose to a team that basically is named after one bird? And not like one species, but like a specific individual. Like 'Oh, who you guys playing next week?' 'Uh, let's see... the San Francisco Bob.'"

    As members of the media crossed their arms, shifted in their seats and rolled their eyes, Carroll – who is an absolute dream – appeared to not let it affect him.

    “Listen, listen,” said Carroll, as he rubbed Linda Cohn’s shoulders. “We’re going to be fine. It was just one little pass. One little pass. Are we going to let one little pass come between all that we’ve worked to build Linda? Are we? Whoa - and you have beautiful eyes by the way. You guys better watch out for her. And I better back off before I pull a Joe Namath.”

    The press conference was interrupted multiple times as members of the media made emotional remarks either in support of or against Carroll, who’s eyelashes are like long magic angel hairs.

    The most frequent interruptions came from Lou Holtz, a former coach and ESPN commentator, who stopped the press conference multiple times to claim that he “thought he thaw a tweetybird.”

    Still, in early going, things weren’t all easy on Carroll, whose hair could best be described as a wavy golden sun-filled land amidst a grey valley of curvy waterfalls and shaggy rainbows, where children are free to roam and dance and sing songs about smiley faces that grow on trees.

    “I mean, how can you expect me to buy this,” asked a teary-eyed Kirk Herbstreit. “You, you, I mean, you go out there and you don’t even care, and you just let this stupid – and it is, it’s just stupid; I mean this whole thing is just stupid; and, oh God, look at me… I mean, I can’t even talk straight right now because I think one thing, and then you go and do another thing and then I think this and you just…. It’s just – I mean, why do I let you do this to me? Why? When all you’re gonna do is let that Stanford Cardinal just whisk you away and… all of the sudden I… I just don’t know what to think.”

    While Herbstreit was forced to fan himself off with his hands and leave the room, others – such as Holtz – were quick to accept Carroll’s apology.

    “Well I’m thust gphlad you had the courageth thou admitdh thith to uth,” said Holtz. “Thath thwhat threally thicks thout tho mhe.”

    And it didn't take long for Carroll to woo the rest of the present voters. As soon as various media members began to shy away from the coach’s apology, he got down from the podium, rolled up his sleeves, and walked between the rows of media members.

    “It’s been five years. I don’t want to throw that away because of one little mistake. And neither do any of us. Who helps you out? Huh?” asked Carroll as he pointed to varying members of the press. “Stewie Scott, you know me. I make Sportscenter look like OwenWilsoncenter. Who else can give you OwenWilsoncenter? Nobody. You guys have to cover me. You guys have to love me.”

    “And who else is out there? Les Miles? Les Miles doesn’t look like Owen Wilson,” said Carroll. “More like Mr. Wilson.”

    “And what does that make Nick Saban, huh?” asked Carroll. “His little midget Dennis the Menace? With his little toy slingshot defense? Aw, how cute.”

    “C’mon. I’m Hollywood baby, you guys need me,” said Carroll. “Pete Carroll is Hollywood. Pete Carroll is friends with Snoop Dogg. Who else is cool with Snoop Dogg? Bobby Bowden? You think Bobby Bowden is cool with Snoop Dogg? Bobby Bowden wasn’t even cool with Snoop Minnis.”

    “Who else is Hollywood? Who? Rich Rodriguez?” said Carroll. “The only thing Hollywood about that guy is that his wife looks like Michael Keaton in Beetlejuice.”

    And before long, Pete Carroll the master had proven to all that USC re-deserved their #2 ranking. Only minutes into his speech, one almost felt like interrupting him:

    You had us at ‘Hello’ Pete. You had us at ‘Hello.’
     
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  2. LSUGradin99

    LSUGradin99 I Bleedeth Purple 'N Gold

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    I am ashamed for you nutria. I can't believe you read all of that. You could be surfing countless sports websites reading about LSU right now!!!!
     
  3. Crystal_lsu

    Crystal_lsu Founding Member

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    :rofl: :thumb:
     
  4. Nutriaitch

    Nutriaitch Fear the Buoy

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    I'm good at multi-tasking.:grin:
     
  5. LSUTiga

    LSUTiga TF Pubic Relations

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    Pfft. Then why you had to wait til you were stopped in traffic to call me after the game? :hihi:
     
  6. Nutriaitch

    Nutriaitch Fear the Buoy

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    There was no waiting. I was stopped as soon as I got in the truck. Took me almost 2 hours to get from near the Parade Grounds to intersection of Old Hammond and Airline.
     
  7. LSUGradin99

    LSUGradin99 I Bleedeth Purple 'N Gold

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    Man that is at least a couple of times he has mentioned the imfamous phone call. Is there something we should know?
     
  8. LSUTiga

    LSUTiga TF Pubic Relations

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    The other time was in a pm to you silly. Don't let OUR secret out. :hihi:
     
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  9. offshoretrash

    offshoretrash Founding Member

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    That's the funniest post I have read on here! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
     
  10. sonof504

    sonof504 Founding Member

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    Was that a brushback article? Sounds funny enough to be one
     

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