Very funny article from the Advocate

Discussion in 'The Tiger's Den' started by JoeReckless, Jul 17, 2003.

  1. JoeReckless

    JoeReckless Founding Member

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    This was published on the 8th. Those of you who haven't seen it will get a kick out of it.


    How will LSU fare in 2003?


    By CARL DUBOIS
    [email protected]
    Advocate sportswriter

    There are 53 shopping days left until the start of LSU's football season. It's never too early to check the crystal ball and see how the Tigers will fare.
    Aug. 30 -- UL-Monroe. With restless fans murmuring in Tiger Stadium, LSU struggles early but ultimately prevails -- mostly because it has the edge in facilities. LSU 48, UL-Monroe 10.

    Sept. 6 -- at Arizona. Everyone knows LSU doesn't play well at 9 p.m. Central Time on a Saturday night in the desert. Still, the Tigers find a way to win. LSU coach Nick Saban bars his players from conversing with the Wildcats, lest they pick up any pointers on how to stage a mutiny. LSU 30, Arizona 14.

    Sept. 13 -- Western Illinois. Internet message-board sniping between Tigers fans and Leathernecks fans leads LSU Athletic Director Skip Bertman to say the Tigers won't be scheduling games with Western Illinois in the near future. LSU 52, Western Illinois 13.

    Sept. 20 -- Georgia. LSU insists on a 7 o'clock kickoff time for this game. CBS teaches the Tigers a lesson, scheduling the game for 7 -- in the morning. LSU's players learn from Georgia players the value of a Southeastern Conference championship ring on eBay and take it to the next level. LSU 28, Georgia 27.

    Sept. 27 -- at Mississippi State. The Bulldogs catch LSU by surprise early as interim coach Ron Polk, taking over for newly fired Jackie Sherrill, crafts a 7-0 lead with a combination of small ball and a three-run homer. LSU backup quarterback Lane Mestepey stops the bleeding, and the Tigers roll. LSU 28, State 10.

    Oct. 4 -- Open date. A reporter asks a question about something that occurred a week earlier, and Saban replies testily that "It's time to move on." A day later the school's Web site clarifies by saying Saban isn't leaving for an NFL job.

    Oct. 11 -- Florida. Even with ESPN's College GameDay on campus, LSU fans are quiet for most of the first quarter; they can't figure out who to boo without Steve Spurrier or Brock Berlin on the Tiger Stadium sideline. They settle on a Florida sportswriter for a two-year-old myth-busting column about the place. LSU 38, Florida 21.

    Oct. 18 -- at South Carolina. Saban is now 2-0 against fellow Kent State alum Lou Holtz, who spends the entire week saying his team will be lucky to cross midfield against LSU. The press box is full of scouts: bowl reps eye the Tigers; ACC reps eye South Carolina. LSU 33, S.C. 14.

    Oct. 25 -- Auburn. ESPN shows up for the season's most anticipated matchup, mostly to see if Tommy Tuberville's players light victory cigars on burning LSU recreational vehicles outside Tiger Stadium. LSU fans taunt Damon Duval, now a member of the Auburn band, as his marching interferes with the home team's halftime kicking-game warm-up. LSU 21, Auburn 20.

    Nov. 1 -- Louisiana Tech. The visiting Bulldogs catch LSU looking ahead to an open date. Still, the Tigers clinch a state championship and agree to play Tech in Shreveport in 2038 if Tech agrees to let TAF raise money for upper decks at the Independence Bowl. LSU 42, Tech 21.

    Nov. 8 -- Open date. To get an early start on their game faces for Alabama, LSU fans spend the week in Tuscaloosa hotels, ordering every item on the room service menu. Price is not a concern.

    Nov. 15 -- at Alabama. LSU has a shot in this game because it's not in Tiger Stadium. Despite a pep talk by Bear Bryant, the Crimson Tide can't stop LSU freshman sensation JaMarcus Russell, an Alabama native making his starting debut at quarterback. LSU 31, Alabama 17.

    Nov. 22 -- at Ole Miss. Colonel Reb is retired. So is the Manning name on the Ole Miss active roster following this game -- at least for a generation or two. LSU fans, needing a new angle for their rivalry with Rebels fans, make fun of Ole Miss' new mascot -- a Magnolia wearing a Yankees cap. LSU 26, Ole Miss 14.

    Nov. 28 -- Arkansas. Playing for their first undefeated, untied regular season since the national championship of 1958, the Tigers seem tight. Saban reminds them they are playing for The Boot and state pride, and they come alive, paying Arkansas back for last year by driving 81 yards in three plays on each second-half possession. LSU 81, Arkansas 3.

    Dec. 6 -- SEC Championship Game. LSU advances to the Sugar Bowl for the second time in three years, this time to play for the national championship, by defeating Georgia in Atlanta. The TAF tries to get control of 50 percent of the seats in the Georgia Dome but fails, then says it will regroup and unveil a new plan in 2004. LSU 31, Georgia 30.

    Jan. 4 -- Sugar Bowl. Brock Berlin throws 10 touchdown passes in the first half to lead Miami to an insurmountable lead. LSU fans call for Tommy Henry to shut down Evangel Christian Academy. Berlin says he's always played well in the Louisiana Superdome. Miami 120, LSU 30.

    We're bringing this crystal ball back to Sharper Image. No way is any of this gonna happen.

    How will LSU fare in 2003?
     
  2. Bengal B

    Bengal B Founding Member

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    I'd rather see Brock Berlin throw 10 interceptions.
     
  3. JoeReckless

    JoeReckless Founding Member

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    Me too. I think that he was just showing irony.

    I personally think that the Tigers have a good shot at going 12-1 this year. It all depends on QB and defense in my opinion.
     
  4. Bengal B

    Bengal B Founding Member

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    I can see it happening. Mauck has 3 games before the first biggie September 20th against Georgia to pick up where he left off and grow into the role. The defense will be solid if somebody can fill the shoes of Bradie James at Middle Linebacker. 12-1 or 13-0 is not imposible if the Tigers have no letdowns and play up to their capabilities in every game.
     
  5. Chipeace

    Chipeace Country Roads Tiger

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    I'm LSU through & through. Pull for them always but.... I do not believe we have the linebackers & safeties to be a top SEC team this year. That coupled with the potential QB questions, makes me feel we will be a 8-4 team tops. I hope I am wrong.
     
  6. tirk

    tirk im the lyrical jessie james

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    worth rereading all of this. pretty funny.
     
  7. islstl

    islstl Playoff committee is a group of great football men Staff Member

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    I heard Chipeace was comitted to an insane asylum.
     
  8. geauxscott

    geauxscott Founding Member

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    I think Saban should start one of the incoming freshmen at QB. Mauck just hasn't showed me the talent or leadership to take this team to the next level. We are pretty stacked at RB also, Carey is by far the best RB on the team followed by Addia, then there are the 3 freshmen Brousard, Edwards, and Vincent. But personaly, I think Vincent is a little overrated and was hyped way too much coming out of high school. I think he is our last resort. The defense will be good but nothing to get excited about.

    Come on Bengal B, lets be realistic....12-1, 13-0. This team will be good but there is no way in hell that LSU puts up that mark. I do enjoy your optimism, but I think realistic......you are dreaming my friend!!! :wink:
     
  9. friday

    friday Founding Member

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    I think the ole moderator missed the boat aon ALL of his points! not that I predicted a NC, but c'mon!
     
  10. JoeReckless

    JoeReckless Founding Member

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    LOL!!!!

    Notice the third post too. Nice prediction! I forgot all about this thread.
     

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