Weird Baby Names

And you thought Dweezil and Moon Unit were strange

With word names from Genesis to Justice, Miracle to Heaven now used for thousands of children every year, we have to ask where the craze for turning words into baby names will end. The answer? Nowhere, as these words-turned-names from the extended Social Security list for 2014 proves. Our picks for the most outrageous words that parents are using to name their babies.

Alias

Given that Alias means an assumed name, this choice used for 28 boys last year feels particularly meta. A related name: Cypher, used for eight little boys. We prefer Genuine, a name given to five baby boys,

Awesome

Many of the new word names can be a boon to their bearer’s self-esteem. Eight little boys last year can say with all sincerity, “I’m Awesome.” Add to that the 25 girls who are Savvy, the 15 each who are Honest and Holy, 11 of each gender who can call themselves Majestic, nine boys named Wise and six who are Handsome.

Boss

Every parent who’s survived life with a newborn knows who’s the Boss, so why not come right out and choose it as your baby’s name? Twelve boys were called Boss last year, with another 26 named Captain, 16 called Chief, and 12 named Master. On the girls’ side, there were 24 little Goddesses of their parents’ worlds, along with ten named (why be modest?) Czarina.

Couture

The world of fashion has been highly influential on baby names, with hundreds of parents naming children after such designers such as Chanel and Armani, models such as Gisele and Elle, and even fabrics like Denim and Velvet. There were 19 boys named Styles in 2014 and nine named Stylez, along with eight girls given the high-fashion name Couture.

Eliminate

Okay, we are trying to imagine how a parent can spin this word name choice, given to five girls last year, in a positive way. Because Eliminate as in getting rid of waste is not very appealing. And Eliminate as in slang for murder isn’t any better. Maybe it’s one of those words that sounds attractive if you don’t know what it means, like Chaos, used for nine boys, or Jihad, given to 28 hopefully-upstanding little boys?

Gamble

Having a baby is a risk, but you probably don’t want to come out and say so with your name choice. Still, five boys were named Gamble last year. Fifty-four boys and 11 girls were named Lucky, while the parents of nine girls decided to go with Trust and another nine chose Fate. Seven girls were called Victorious and six emerged as Winner.

Halo

We suspect that most of the parents who chose to name their 22 baby boys Halo were inspired by the violent video game, but we’re going to focus instead on the beautiful Beyonce song as well as that circular thing angels wear on their heads. Word names that relate to all things heavenly have long been among the most popular, with Heaven Number 338 in the US for girls and Nevaeh – Heaven spelled backwards – all the way up at Number 65.

Harsh

There’s a legion of tough new names on the march, and Harsh, used for 18 boys last year, is one of the, well, harshest. There were also eight boys named Ruckus, six named Mayhem, five named Furious and another five called Rage.

Indica and Sativa

For those of you who don’t live in Colorado, Indica and Sativa are the two main varieties of weed. Indica was used as a name for 26 baby girls last year, while Sativa was given to 14 girls. Interestingly, no baby girls were named Marijuana, which is an actual name. Lest you worry the boys were left out, six baby boys were name Kilo.

Kindle

It’s an electronic reading device and now it’s a baby name, used for 15 baby girls last year. We’re not sure what makes Kindle an exclusively female choice, except perhaps its resemblance to Kendall, as in Jenner. Surprisingly, there were no babies named Amazon though 19 girls were called Apple…and ten named Lemon.

Remedy

As with Eliminate, we suspect that at least some of the 27 parents who named their baby girls Remedy were more attracted to its sound than its meaning. While Remedy may be more upbeat than Eliminate, in that it’s a cure for what ails you, few people would want to be named after something you buy in the pharmacy.

Shanty

A Shanty is a rickety shack and it’s also a name given to six baby girls. Fourteen girls were called Sham, 12 boys were called Shade, ten girls were named Sway and five called Southern. As names, these S-starting choices are all very Shiny – itself used for five baby girls.


Zeppelin

What little girl or boy, or big one for that matter, wants to be named after a giant floating blimp that threatens to explode over the Earth? No one, that’s who, though 42 baby boys and 11 girls were given this name in 2014. Why? It’s a Mystery, used for seven baby girls

 

I had a chick that worked for me a few years ago whose name was Psychola. Naturally I kept calling her Psy-Cola, because that's what it looks like. She finally got tired of me calling her that though and corrected me and said its pronounced Pa-Kosha. I just shook my head. Those names above are relatively tame compared to the litany of fucked up names in Louisiana. Rontashala, Shadasha, Jartaveous, Jaworra, Quantella, Shaliquila, Jonquareous, Santangela, I mean I could go on forever.

 

Those aren't Louisiana names, they are black names. Santangela might be Hispanic

 

What about Nosmoking? Pronounced Noz Mo King. The first thing his mother saw when she woke up in the hospital was a no smoking sign.

 

I've also heard of Oranjello (pronounced Oran-juh-low)and Lemonjello (pronounced Luh-mon-juh-low) Orange and Lemon Jello. Or Jelo or however it's spelled.

And Pajama pronounced Pa-Juh-Muh

 

Beyonce's daughter is named Blue Ivy.

 

La'Ron, La'Tasha, La'Janet, La'Kesha.


I've never heard La'Dyansty though that's awesome.