What are your rules of life?

I saw something about the rules of life in another thread,
and given the great humorous nature of most here I wanted to
start this thing and then laugh, 'cause y'all make me. :thumb:

I saw these years ago:

1) Never play cards with a man named "Doc".
2) Never eat at a place called "Mom's".
3) Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.

Just researched it and these are attributed to US novelist Nelson Algren.

A friend had three others:

1) I'm always looking for a job.
2) Everything I own is for sale.
3) Let me speak to my lawyer first.

Yours?

 

Never trust a man who wears a bow tie or a pinky ring

 

Almost every woman I have ever slept with had troubles worse than mine. Or so they would have me believe. Maybe thats why they slept with me,:thumb:

 

i said i'd pay you back next thursday not this thursday. what's next, you're gonna make fun of my blue-jean jacket and compression shorts?

 

Keep it simple (mostly FAIL)
Questions should outnumber statements (good in real life, I suck at this in FSA :grin
Follow through (job and kids - good; housework/chores - meh)

 

1.) Don't get caught.

 

Never play against a golfer for money who has a darker tan than your own.

 

When in doubt, drink beer.

 

Don't eat the yellow snow.

Here's a few from Jim Croce:

You don't tug on Superman's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger
And you don't mess around with Jim

 

Never do anything that you wouldn't want printed on the front page of the newspaper the next morning.

Try following that one day in and day out.